mememaster | BABIES

[[[ Shit you mean like this cause i am all kinds of behind that ]]]

[ This time does not exist to Roxy. It is far too early in the morning to be alive- unless of course she is doing some totally sweet hacking or watching every episode of Bridezillas (a subtle hint that they stop living in sin and get married, no I know we're married but like real married, like how the gays do!) So don't be too surprised Dirk when Roxy just rolls over and covers her head with a pillow. She doesn't even care which baby that is. It is gonna be locked in the bathroom with a bag of potato chips in about 30 seconds if she has her way. ]

nope
u do it

[[[Oh my god that is like, more perfect than I could ever imagine. Except at this point Dave and Rose are like, maybe a year old. BUT YES. THAT.]]]

[It's Dave, he's figured that out by this point. Even if the baby is half falling out of his arm by this point but don't think so poorly for Dirk. He can hold a fucking baby. Even when he's staring, 3/4ths of the way asleep, as Rox turns over and leaves him in too-fucking-early-baby-care. No, Roxy. That's not how this works.]

Fuck you I'm always the one changing these fucking baby bombs.
You fucking do it.

[And to make his point he walks right back over to the bed and plops little Dave right there next to his momma before crawling back in next to her and pulling the covers up. Of course, because it's how babies work, Dave continues to cry for a moment or two. But then he uprights himself and crawls right over to Roxy, grabbing at her hair.]

[[[ YES not the perfect pic but def the first thing that ran through my mind. Babies, lets do it. ]]]

[ GROWL. That is not the hair pulling of sexy times, that is the hair pulling of a tiny baby. Babies are the opposite of sexy times. Roxy cracks an eye open at the offender, staring back at those little eyes, red from more than just crying. Reaches out and pulls the baby towards her as she sits up, patting its tiny baby head while carefully avoiding the self-destruct buttons babies brilliant store on the tops of their skulls. ]

hello monster
you are sooo lucky u arent ur sister
i dont take tihs kinda treatmrtn from girls

[ Roxy doesn't have favorites, but its hard to resist a baby in shades. Stretches a bare leg out to kick. dirk. hard. in the ass! With very cold feet. Don't you dare think about going back to bed. ]

go get rositalolita
shes groudned wich means she isnt alowed to have alone time
u know how much she likes tht

[He was so close. So very close. Teetering right over that edge of going back to sleep, keeping Dave entertained for long enough and maybe even forcing Roxy to take her fucking turn and then BAM. Right in the ass. Literally. It's a good thing he loves them so much or there would be some hell to pay for the other side of this bed.

And he was about to retort with enough verbal abuse to symbolize the amount of violence he currently feels when he realizes that yeah, he should probably go get Rose. She won't start crying - she doesn't do that as much as Dave - but he should. He should. And then with Rose here maybe he can get to sleep.

He thinks about saying something, but then thinks better of it and decides, instead, to go with a frustrated growl before throwing the covers back off and stalking down the hall, literally picking Rose up out of her crib without a care in the world for her conscious state and carrying her back to the bed. There. Done. The family is together again.

So down she goes, right next to Momma and Dave, and then he's collapsed back on the bed, sprawled out.]

If I don't get at least two hours of sleep,
there is going to be all kinds of hell to pay.
You hear me?

[But of course it's that moment he decides to open his eyes and see Rose sitting there, simply looking at him, and god damn does she have her mother's eyes.]

[ Sumptuous little smirk when Dirk does exactly what she asked. Who said they would never work out! Family, friends, most sportscasters, polls conducted worldwide, meteorologists. Okay that's exaggerating, they don't have any family.

Except these two little gremlins. Roxy sits Dave up right next to his sister, little backs pressed together in their purple pjs, staring at each respective parent.

She likes Dirk a lot. But she hopes he'll understand that she loves these disgusting little puke monsters like a billion times more. More than that. It is not even quantifiable how much she loves their stupid little faces. ]

wehn the fuck are these thigns gona talk
i wana haev a conversaton with them abut shit

[That's an understatement when it came to who didn't think they'd work out. Hell, half the time Dirk's not too sure himself. But then he has those moments where Rose will stare at him just like that, or Dave will just pick up his glasses, and god damn does he love these kids.]

I don't even know.
I'm actually pretty fucking terrified of them talking.
They say kids pick up on what their parents say,
And knowing us, their first word will be 'Fuck'.

[He sighs and turns on his side and Rose gives him that fucking smile but doesn't move. And he thinks a bit more.]

Or maybe shot, if they spend enough time around you.

[ How funny for you to mention it, considering Roxy was just attempting to lull baby Dave back to sleep with a sweet, soft renditions of 'SHOTS.' ]

eerbodyy shots shots shotshotshsotsh

[ Cuts off when baby Dave reaches forward and baps her nose with his tiny, ravioli shaped hands. Fuck babies are cute. They are the last people in the world who should have them but- ]

noo i want tehm to tell us
what shitty parnets we were
hwo we ruined their lvues
*lives

My point exactly.

[And then Rose is tilting her head at him, trying to look at him straight on, and ends up falling over. He can't help but snort and sit up, righting her up as well. She just continues to stare up at him with those big, judgmental eyes and it doesn't even matter that they're sucky parents, because...they'll get better. He'll get better. He already is better.]

I don't know about you,
But I plan on being the greatest parental figure ever.
They will worship the ground I walk on like I'm the Second Goddamn Coming of Christ.

u are gonna smother them

[Sits up properly to hold Dave before he starts getting fussy- he is the baby in need of much more attention, it seems. Adjusts his tiny baby shades (how do you sleep in these?) before leaning over to fix Rose's hair. Glance to Dirk- she fell asleep in her makeup again, chalky eyeliner and mascara smudged all over her face and pillow. ]

dyou think theyre hungry
how oftn do babies eat anywy?

And they're gonna fucking love it.

[He glances up to watch her as she sits up, picking up Dave right before he starts to fuss - how can women know these things? It's like they're programmed to have that baby-foresight. And there she goes, also fixing Rose's hair and glancing at Dirk. He catches her eyes and notices the make-up and just kind of snorts because she looks absolutely ridiculous. But so her.]

Nice face-paint there, Rox.

[But alas, the children. He sits up, grunting a bit because his body definitely decided that it was bedtime and not get-up time and therefore was fighting his every move. But then he was sitting up, picking up rose and plopping her right there on his lap where she just continues to stare at him and he stares right back.]

I have no idea.
They're probably hungry, though, judging by the way Dave's staring you down.
They're supposed to eat a lot, though. I read that somewhere. Like every couple hours or something.

[Shameless smirk when dirk comments on her makeup, shoots him a smudged wink. Roxy gets enough frequent cat naps in the day that once she's up at night, she's there for good, sorry bro. at the mention of frequent feedings, Roxy groans,letting Dave's hands latch around her fingers. ]

damn babies ar rneedy

[ Laughs when Dave coos back at her, he's already at that state we he's mimicking noises frequently (can babies be sarcastic?) Beams to Dirk ]

siht hes already bsutin out teh sick beats

[She gets a nice eye-roll in return for that wink, right before he's back to the moving and sitting and just...other things he shouldn't be doing at this hour. He should be sleeping. As much as Roxy can live off of cat-naps all through the day, this Southern boy needs a full night's sleep. Something he's been lacking for the past few months thanks to these stupidly adorable little buggers.

He's still staring at Rose when she lifts her hands up at him, making little grabby hands at him. He picks her up and lays back down, holding her up above him.]

You were just as needy as a baby, I'm sure.

[Of course he can't help the slight grin at the mention of Dave's 'sick beats'. He can feel some pride in that.]

Maybe he is my kid after all.

[ Yes, Dirk is The Sufferer himself over the whole up all night phenomena that accompanies babies,, but he'll have to adjust. It's not like Roxy hasn't changed her schedule to accommodate living with Dirk or these little mongrels- that's honestly not true, she's the same girl she's always been. Maybe a little more filled out, but.. Having a baby has only changed Roxy's use of babytalk, which has seen a sharp increase (though it was quite high to begin with, Dirk might loathe to admit).

Swoops Dave over to hold him next to Rose in front of Dirk. ]

fuck yah hes ur kid
look at theose shades
also bulshit i was an angel as a crater bb
u were prob a miserable ecto poopmonster

[Oh, he'll adjust. She'll just have to deal with a grumpy Strider every once in a while. Nothing a short TV-nap with a baby on his chest won't cure. But beyond that, his schedule's been pretty similar. It's almost strange how easily he and Roxy's lives merged together with this whole baby situation. Annoying at times, sure, but not too complicated.

And then there's a Dave, and he's got both the little monsters just sitting there, staring up at him and he just...blinks.]

I was the most sugoi ecto infant you ever had the chance to lay eyes on.
So don't even try and fool these kids cause they'll see right through your rouse.
Won't you?

[And of course Rose picks up on the cue and giggles that cute baby giggle, sticking her hand in her mouth afterwards and fuck she's adorable. This one was the smart one, let Dirk tell you.]

[ Well if Rose is the SMART one, Dave is obviously the talented one. And the handsome one. And the funny one- Roxy, it's a little early to be piking your favorite kid. There's just only so much that can be said about baby who, no matter how cute, is a dead ringer for your dead mother. ]

whatevr
im gona call child services int the mornign and wehn they take u to the big huose youll be putin on smuppet porn for the inmates while baby amd mommy have our own bodning time
is that right?
yes thasts rihgt

[ Tickles Dave under his tiny baby chin. She wouldn't really call child services on you, Dirk. Well, not for nothing anyway.

[Rose is most definitely the smart one, and the pretty one. And the strangely understanding and creepily intelligent one, which is different from being the smart one because being strangely intelligent involves just knowing things that babies should not know or understand but Rose gets it.

Sometimes.

Fuck it it's too hard to explain.]

You call child services on me and I'll just have to pull some insane jail-break shit,
And it'll involve way too much planning and perfect execution and I'll come back for the kids and destroy your life,
All in a rage only a vengeful parent could provide.

[Rose started reaching out towards him again at that point and he tilted her down towards him, holding her just far enough away that she could pat at his face. God damn adorable baby.]

[ Okay, okay. Save your soul bonding to this baby for Roxy's naptime. ]

this is suonding dangeously liek that shit movie we al had tow atch
with the crimainls on the plane

[ Tucks Dave under and arm and swings her legs over the side of the bed. Well, they said they needed to feed them right? C'mon. Motions for Dirk to follow her- oh, hell no is she doing this by herself. Last time Roxy tried to feed the babies they almost got ground up cheetos mixed with day old milk. Who was going to call child services again? ]

[Nope. Dirk and Rose's bonding is much to special to try and reschedule for another time. This is important.]

Exactly.

[But then Roxy's getting up, and telling him to follow, and while he could really just spend the rest of the morning soul-bonding to this ectobiologicaly related baby, the last time he let Roxy feed the kids alone it turned into the next apocalypse. Or close enough. So he gets up too, slipping Rose back into the crick of his elbow and follows Roxy to the kitchen.

Because yeah, that call would come from Dirk.]

[ Halfway to the kitchen, slings Dave over her shoulder like a trendy fashion accessory- which babies could easily become, it wouldn't be unheard of for the Batterwitch to move the focus from breeding into 'club all the infants for their coats'. Nope, this is a shitty thing to think about, the Empress and the potential for any of these precious little screambundles to wind up dead. Not in this meme!!

Roxy flings open the fridge and peers inside. Lots of mixers and diet soda.. where the shit is the baby food. What is baby food? Slowly starts to reach for the ketchup...? Help her out there, bro. ]

[Rose continues to just lay in his arms like a dead-weight, much more interested in the fact they are suddenly moving than anything else. He follows Roxy into the kitchen, yawning and rubbing the back of his neck.

Yes. We do not need those kind of thoughts in this meme.

So let's go back to Roxy! And the fact she has no idea what she's doing and Dirk is quite amused by this fact.]

Ketchup, Rox? Really?

[a pause, and then he's shaking his head and walking up behind her, reaching over her shoulder to grab one of the bottles he made yesterday from the top shelf.]

It'll be a miracle if these kids make it to walkin and talkin, I swear,
We'll do something wrong and they'll mutate into some weird mutant shit and we'll have no idea what to do.

[But he's on clock-work at this point, sticking the bottles into whatever the fuck bottle heater thing he bought off the internet a few months ago and now it's just a matter of waiting.]

[ hey! Ketchup is a vegetable. But yeah, yeah, milk is probably the better choice.

Gives Dave a little pat on the back, following Dirk to the bottle heater (which they really ought to work on, it works entirely too slow for Roxy's taste) and hopping onto the counter for a seat. Baby Dave peers through his little shades at the darkened kitchen, at his nearly identical father figure. Roxy's follows his little baby eyes and grins.

nah see he gts it
theyrve got u

[No, Roxy. Ketchup is not a vegetable. It's a condiment. Close enough, though. He'll give it to you, as long as you don't give it to the kids.

He kinda half-watches as she goes and sits on the counter, bouncing a bit just because that's what you do when you're holding a baby. You bounce and kind of hold them and rock them back and forth. Even if Rose wasn't in danger of starting to cry, he just does it anyway. Call it parental instinct, which I guess is one thing he has going for him. But then he turns and sees Dave staring at him, still kind of sitting on Roxy and he just stares back.]

Gets me? You think some baby-child can understand the complexity of this rad-awesome dude like me?

[But he just keeps eye-contact with little baby Dave and man, he can hold his own in a Strider staring contest. Which is something.]

[ As long as Dirk has parental instinct, these kids may make it to their first birthday. Roxy has only so much as ordering heaps of atrociously themed baby close to match the twins in. And then stand at a safe distance to admire them in their fineries while the babies wail in fury. It's only partially torture, they really were cute in those gay little sailor suits.

Follows Daves little baby stare and grins knowingly. ]

nah u are way too simple for his complex bb mind
gotta giev him a challenge
intrpduce him to somebody whos complicadted

[ Who do we know like that? Laughs when the timer on the bottle heater goes off and Dave extends hi arms for it, already getting what that sounds means! It's genius. Or Pavlovian, whichever comes first. ]

[Oh, they were making it to their fucking first birthday if Dirk had to lock them in a box somewhere. Or find a nanny. Both seemed to be on the same levels of ridiculous and out of the question, so instead he'd take it as a challenge and just...make Roxy help. They were partially her's too, it couldn't be a sole-Strider effort here.

But he needed to watch her when it came to those baby clothes. As fucking adorable as they were (so kawaii), money was an issue. Especially with how many diapers these little demons managed to go through per day. And the baby food. And the milk.

Which, speak of the devil, was done. He picked up one of the bottles and did the whole tester-thing. On his wrist, because once was enough when it came to testing the baby-shit-milk by drinking it. He still had nightmares. But when it was ready, he turned Rose over in his Arm so that she was looking up at him and gave her one. Then he picked up the other and handed it to Dave directly.

We'll go with genius, seeing as he's of the Strider clan.]

And who do you suppose is complicated enough to challenge his little baby mind?
He's already obsessed with television, and it doesn't get much more complicated than those Spanish soaps.

[ Money was only a sort of issue! Any minute now she would crack the hold the Batterbitch placed on her mother's millions. If her mom wanted Roxy to do anything with that money, it would've likely been revenge first, but raising two little monsters with your best bro was a close second. Probably. Who cares what she wants, these babies are going to look swank as fuck their entire life. Roxy is okay being the breadwinner. I mean, how much cash can smuppet porn really rake in?

Oh shit, good thing he tested the milk temperature. The one time they didn't.. the screams still ring in her ears. ]

i told u not to let him wathc those
tehy set unreal exspectations of ladies that they are way hoter and easier than women in real lief!
ur just setin him up for heartsbreak

[ Smoothing down Dave's little scuff of baby hair. ]

and rosalind is gona get soo lonely for him whehn he goes away to spansih imersion school
theyr e vrery attached to one another u kno

youre the one who stopped replying last time :P OH WAIT YOU JUST REPLIED

I KNOW I ALREADY TOLD YOU I'M A TERRIBLE PERSON

OH GET OVER IT AND PLAY you are here now

IF YOU KEEP TAKING ME BACK I AM NEVER GOING TO LEARN MY LESSON

I AM AN ENABLER ILL ADMIT IT JUST KEEP REPLYING

I'LL KEEP REPLYING. EVEN IF I HAVE TO TAKE BREAKS TO SLEEP.

SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK

THEN I WILL ADMIT TO BEING WEAK.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO and then i go to class

BOOOOOO CLASS

Re: BOOOOOO CLASS

Re: BOOOOOO CLASS

freedom!! no i wasn't tagging in class before.. that would be irresponsible of me

Shame on you. xD

whatevs i graduate in June!!

LUCKY.

preen yes i know, ive had quite enough of the formal education system

i've got two more years left.

Finishing up my masters so the last schooling everrr. two years went by fast for me

ffffffffff I just need two years. I will get out of college in two years and then I'll be done.

you can do it! Also I think the other thread of ours is pretty much over, that cool?

sounds good to me!

fhjds i keep thinking i replied but then i never hit send. 8luhh

that's okay! :3 I mean, it'd be kind of hypocritical if I minded........lol

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