mememaster | have i mentioned lately that i'm shameless

[ Karkat is sitting on the edge of the bed, watching John finish up another coughing fit. ]

John?

[ He calls out really softly, like if his volume were any higher the room would shatter. ]

Are you finally making an effort to hack out your oxygen sacs? Because I was in a fit of typical, murderous rampage when I said that. I didn't mean it literally.

[John attempted a laugh at the troll's wide-eyed stare, but shook his head and just coughed again for another handful of seconds. He curled sideways and mashed his face into his pillow when he was through. God, that was tiring.]

No, Karkat, I'm just sick. If I actually coughed my lungs out I'm pretty sure I would die.

I know that, dipshit. Unfortunately, as wide as my scope of knowledge is about various subjects, I am not well informed about mammalian illnesses and the standard protocol to follow when your soft, fleshy human roommate is currently a writhing mess on his bed. I'm going to assume you're too fragile for troll medicinal grubs or leeches, because your species as a collec --

[ Okay, Vantas, you are talking his ear off and now is not the time to ramble, you douche. Karkat coughs. ]

I mean. Fuck. Is there anything I can do so I'm not completely fucking useless here?

[John's eyes basically glaze over up until the medicinal grubs or leeches part, at which point he honestly turns a little green.]

Wow, no. Please no grubs or leeches or I'm pretty sure I'd barf all over you and that would be really rude. [He coughs a little again, but it doesn't wrack his entire person quite as badly. He smiles a little and reaches out to pat Karkat's hand.]

I'll live, really. But I think I've got some Nyquil in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom, if you wouldn't mind bringing me some?

Okay. Is that all? Are you sure? Would you like more pillows?

[ Karkat gets up. ]

I will get you your Nyquil, and then I will consult the Earth Gooble on how to improve your situation. How long does your illness usually take?

[Wow the fact that he's really tired and glazed and red in the face probably adds to it, but that is a really fond smile he is giving you, Karkat.] You are the best roommate, it is you. I think I'm okay on pillows though.

[He inhales sharply because wow Karkat you are ridiculous, and he was going to laugh, but he winds up in another awful coughing fit and folds up, burying his face in his knees.]

... Google. [Is all he says for a second. When he picks his head up his face is way redder, because wow coughing is lame, but he's smiling.] It's Google, Karkat. And basically I just need to sleep for forever. The Nyquil will help.

If you're sure, because you don't have to be infuriatingly humble when an Earth virus is shitting in your blood stream.

WHATEVER.

[ He's off to the door, but not without casting John a really sympathetic glance because oh God, John looks so awful, he looks like he's going to die. DON'T DIE, JOHN. )':B ]

Okay, going. Don't choke on your own body fluids while I'm gone.

[ OKAY, HE'S REALLY HURRYING TO GET THE NYQUIL. He opens the medicine cabinet really fast, grabs the bottle of Nyquil, almost trips on the floor mat (shit shit fucking fuck why is that so fucking slippery) and comes back to John, panting. He opens the bottle. ]

How many do you need to ingest?

[Oh my God Karkat you are killing him with how adorable you are being.]

[But he really appreciates the shit out of it because he honestly feels about as bad as he looks. He just smiles when Karkat comes back in panting with the bottle of pills, and props himself up against the corner of his bed.]

Just two. [Wow he's gone hoarse.]

[ Karkat practically spills the entire bottle into his claw and pulls out two, goddamn it, two, you stupid fingers not three stop sticking augh akjflajfk OKAY, HE HAS TWO. He seats himself in front of John and prods his lips with his finger. ]

Okay. Okay, open up your flap because this is the express train and oh God you look fucking awful.

[He chuckles lightly, and actually doesn't wind up coughing because of it. He can't stop smiling at you you are being so adorable and sweet right now, dude.]

Karkat you are acting like I'm dying. It's just a really nasty cold, I'll be okay in a few days. [He kind of noms the pills right out of Karkat's fingers, though, and swallows them dry because they're those weird gel-coated ones that are easy to swallow anyway. He makes a face when they're gone, though.] Bluh.

We can't risk it! Now shut up, lie the fuck down and rest!

[ He peels the pills from his hand back into the bottle (gross, Karkat) and wraps the comforter around John like a cocoon. ]

[ YES. JOHN MUST BE SO COMFORTABLE RIGHT NOW. ]

[He's okay with being cocooned. He kind of settles into the blanket, smiling tiredly at him.]

...yeah, okay. I'll be okay, though. [He complies and eases himself into laying down, still cocooned, and digs a hand out of the blanket to find Karkat's.] ...promise. [Squeeze.]

[ jflsakjfkjaskg ]

[ So much pity. ]

[ So much. ]

[ Karkat squeezes John's hand tighter, bumping their foreheads together and just. BREATHES ON HIM. Breathes on him worriedly, because he doesn't know what to do and is therefore the most retarded fuck up in the universe and he doesn't want another friend biting the dust and he is so fucking red for him it is causing him literal physical pain -- ]

[ Okay, no, crashing that train of thought into a boulder because they're. Roommates. No awkward quadrants and stuff, GOD, KARKAT, YOU MORON. He moves out of the bed, face flushed, and boots up his husktop so he can ~~Gooble~~ Google this Earth cold things. ]

[ He bangs his head on the table. GOD WHAT WAS THAT, KARKAT, REALLY. ]

[Oh my gosh Karkat if you weren't silently worrying your way to an ulcer John would just hug the shit out of you. He's not dying and it's not your fault and --oh wait red is one of those weird confusing alien romance things isn't it.]

[He definitely could not process that right now.]

[He does process that Karkat's tripping out, though, and kind of wiggles, still burrowed in the comforter, toward the edge of the bed.]

Karkat, you're worrying again.

[ STILL NOT LOOKING AT HIM. ]

John, no, fuck, I'm not worrying. I am fucking rad. I am the epitome of everything calm and not overreacting at all! It's not like I'm going to lose you anyway, right. Right? Right! LOOK AT HOW CALM I'M BEING.

[ Okay, that... isn't calm at all, but who cares. He opens up his browser, Interweb Extrollter, and Earth Goobles treatments for the common cold. ]

[ Once the blush wears off, he turns his computer chair to John. ]

Chicken soup? Is that something you would like in this state?

You are so worrying-- [And he folds into his mass of blankets, overcome with coughing again. Wow mucus is fucking stupid, and this is so not making Karkat worry any less!!]

...soup is good, yeah, but you really don't need to worry about it. The stuff in this medicine is gonna make me sleep anyway...

How many times must I reiterate this for your think pan to finally wrap around the idea that John, no, I am not fucking worrying, okay? Calm is my middle name! [ And that John starts coughing and Karkat just wants to lunge at him and shove his hand down his throat and yank everything that ails him and augh. ] BUT IN THE INSTANCE THAT I AM. You are coughing your disgusting organs out, of course any alarm aimed at your direction is perfectly justified!

[ KARKAT SLAMS HIS HUSKTOP DOWN. Gently. ]

REST.

I will make you soup.

Wow, Karkat. [So very hoarse.] Okay, I'm resting. Look at how restful I am right now.

Come here. [Reaches his hand out a little.]

[ Okay. Sitting next to John, looking like a terrified, disheveled cat and grabs John's hand. ]

[ SORRY JOHN HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S ABOUT TO CRY. HE'S JUST. SO FRUSTRATED OKAY. ]

[He sort of crawls forward and drapes himself in Karkat's lap.]

You are so dramatic, dude. I've been sick before, I promise I'll be okay.

[ Karkat freezes up. His blood pumper is beating twice as fast, and this is like way better than his dreams, except there they end up kissing and John's face is not full of ick and snot and GOD HE PITIES HIM A TON. Karkat is still worrying though. He strokes John hair. ]

You better be. You are not allowed to die in my care, under my hive.

[That hair thing actually feels really nice, wow. John kinds of sigh quietly, coughs for a minute or so, and then settles.]

I'm definitely not dying.

Okay, good, because you are [ HIS VOICE CRACKS. ] the most tolerable fucking roommate I could ever have.

[ Coughs. ]

I don't want to live with Harley, and stuff.

Let me pamper you, okay? So we could speed up the recovery and you could revert to your healthy, disgustingly chipper self.

And you are the best overdramatic alien roommate I could ever ask for, dude. The best alien roommate. [He shifts sideways and kind of hugs onto Karkat's waist awkwardly.]

Yeah, sure, I mean who am I to deny some pampering?

[ John is getting his cute and snot all over him. This is so fucking romantic. ]

Okay. This is our secret, okay, if you tell anyone that I ever pampered you, I swear this Earth virus would look benign compared to me skinning you alive with my bare claws.

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rofl it's sort of alarming how easily porn icons can be used for sick icons....

it's so true jflksjf

fndkh like wow what the shit is this happening right here.

kinky sick person foreplay?

ngjkrednfvd

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