mememaster | have i mentioned lately that i'm shameless

[Oh my gosh Karkat if you weren't silently worrying your way to an ulcer John would just hug the shit out of you. He's not dying and it's not your fault and --oh wait red is one of those weird confusing alien romance things isn't it.]

[He definitely could not process that right now.]

[He does process that Karkat's tripping out, though, and kind of wiggles, still burrowed in the comforter, toward the edge of the bed.]

Karkat, you're worrying again.

[ STILL NOT LOOKING AT HIM. ]

John, no, fuck, I'm not worrying. I am fucking rad. I am the epitome of everything calm and not overreacting at all! It's not like I'm going to lose you anyway, right. Right? Right! LOOK AT HOW CALM I'M BEING.

[ Okay, that... isn't calm at all, but who cares. He opens up his browser, Interweb Extrollter, and Earth Goobles treatments for the common cold. ]

[ Once the blush wears off, he turns his computer chair to John. ]

Chicken soup? Is that something you would like in this state?

You are so worrying-- [And he folds into his mass of blankets, overcome with coughing again. Wow mucus is fucking stupid, and this is so not making Karkat worry any less!!]

...soup is good, yeah, but you really don't need to worry about it. The stuff in this medicine is gonna make me sleep anyway...

How many times must I reiterate this for your think pan to finally wrap around the idea that John, no, I am not fucking worrying, okay? Calm is my middle name! [ And that John starts coughing and Karkat just wants to lunge at him and shove his hand down his throat and yank everything that ails him and augh. ] BUT IN THE INSTANCE THAT I AM. You are coughing your disgusting organs out, of course any alarm aimed at your direction is perfectly justified!

[ KARKAT SLAMS HIS HUSKTOP DOWN. Gently. ]

REST.

I will make you soup.

Wow, Karkat. [So very hoarse.] Okay, I'm resting. Look at how restful I am right now.

Come here. [Reaches his hand out a little.]

[ Okay. Sitting next to John, looking like a terrified, disheveled cat and grabs John's hand. ]

[ SORRY JOHN HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S ABOUT TO CRY. HE'S JUST. SO FRUSTRATED OKAY. ]

[He sort of crawls forward and drapes himself in Karkat's lap.]

You are so dramatic, dude. I've been sick before, I promise I'll be okay.

[ Karkat freezes up. His blood pumper is beating twice as fast, and this is like way better than his dreams, except there they end up kissing and John's face is not full of ick and snot and GOD HE PITIES HIM A TON. Karkat is still worrying though. He strokes John hair. ]

You better be. You are not allowed to die in my care, under my hive.

[That hair thing actually feels really nice, wow. John kinds of sigh quietly, coughs for a minute or so, and then settles.]

I'm definitely not dying.

Okay, good, because you are [ HIS VOICE CRACKS. ] the most tolerable fucking roommate I could ever have.

[ Coughs. ]

I don't want to live with Harley, and stuff.

Let me pamper you, okay? So we could speed up the recovery and you could revert to your healthy, disgustingly chipper self.

And you are the best overdramatic alien roommate I could ever ask for, dude. The best alien roommate. [He shifts sideways and kind of hugs onto Karkat's waist awkwardly.]

Yeah, sure, I mean who am I to deny some pampering?

[ John is getting his cute and snot all over him. This is so fucking romantic. ]

Okay. This is our secret, okay, if you tell anyone that I ever pampered you, I swear this Earth virus would look benign compared to me skinning you alive with my bare claws.

Ahahaha wow, okay. Way to be totally contradictory. "Let me pamper you", he says, but "don't tell anyone or I'll skin you alive". [His chuckling leads to him hacking up a lung again, and he coils away and off of Karkat's lap because eugh, that's a really unpleasant chesty cough and mucus is really really gross and he doesn't exactly want to get it all over you!!]

[He makes a face and sits up after a second, dragging a nearby trashcan over to him and spitting into it. Ew, mucus. Seriously that shit is so gross can he please stop coughing it up.]

[And then he kind of flops back over and curls up, looking thoroughly worn out.]

...wow this is lame.

[ wow that's kind of hot. ]

[ He tucks John in properly again. ]

The faster you get rid of that virus, the better.

Do you want me to play a DVD until you fall asleep?

[Rofl wow Karkat what the fuck.]

[None the wiser, John just smiles a little at him.]

Sure.

[ Karkat opens up their DVD closet. His fingers skim over his CINEMATIC MASTERPIECES, tempted, but no. He's supposed to be thinking of John. So he pulls out Failure to Launch and hits play. ]

Now stay there while I make your soup.

[John just sort of glazes over, curling up in his blankets and trying to focus on the movie.]

[He makes a sort of monosyllabic grunting sound to answer Karkat's demand, and within probably the first three minutes of the movie he's dropped off into a fitful sleep from equal parts doxylamine succinate and exhaustion from all his coughing fits.]

[ Okay, now that John's asleep, it's time for the KARKAT VANTAS COOKING SHOW. ]

[ He paces around the kitchen. How do you make chicken soup, what do? He opens up the freezer and pulls out the chicken. Okay, yeah there it is. ]

[ He starts boiling some water. So far so good! ]

[ Then he plops the chicken in the pot and waits. HOW LONG IS THIS SUPPOSED TO FUCKING TAKE???? He turns the flame to its highest setting. ]

[ Half an hour later, he opens up the pot and... God, that looks. Fucking disgusting. Humans are disgusting. He picks up a spoon, tastes it, REALIZES IT IS TOO FUCKING HOT and throws the spoon... somewhere. He picks up another one and blows on it before tasting it now. ]

[ Okay, yeah, that's passable. He pours a decent amount on a bowl (it's Karkat, so he ends up messing up the entire counter) and heads upstairs. ]

[ John... is still asleep. He lays the soup on the table and watches John's sickly form intently, carefully observing how his chest rises and falls. He half sobs. ]

I don't know what I'll do if you die, you beautiful, infuriating asshole.

[Wow Karkat way to make a horrific mess of the kitchen while I'm totally not dying.]

[But John is definitely still asleep when he comes back with the soup, his breath sort of hitching awkwardly every few seconds. Through some combined effort of the hitching and the smell of the soup, he wakes up some five or ten minutes after Karkat comes back, rousing slowly and sort of whining, quietly, willing himself to go back to sleep.]

[When it doesn't work, he eventually figures out how to focus on what appears to be Karkat, and smiles a little.]

See? Totally not dying. [Except now he's even hoarser than before.]

[ Karkat sits on the edge of the bed to check on John's temperature. It didn't change. THE NYQUIL DIDN'T WORK, JOHN. ):B Karkat bites back the NAGGING URGE TO COMPLAIN and brings the soup over to John. ]

I did this in a hurry, so if you feel the need to complain, I suggest you fucking don't.

[IT DOESN'T FIX YOU IN THE AMOUNT OF TIME IT TOOK YOU TO MAKE SOUP, I'M SORRY GOSH.]

[He smiles a little.]

Thanks.

[He takes it, and... well, maybe his sense of smell is just off and that's why it smells sort of like rot. He eats some of it, and kind of makes a face, but eats most of the bowl anyway, without complaint.]

[It sort of tastes mildly of death and decay and maybe rotten peanuts? Which John is still allergic to, may I remind you. But only mildly. He can only kind of taste it.]

[Sets the bowl aside.]

...I'll eat the rest of it later, okay?

[ John finished most of the bowl so it must be undoubtedly delicious and he has this Earth chef shebang down pat. Mental high-five, up top. ]

Okay. There's an absurd amount in the kitchen, should you feel the need to consume more.

How are you feeling? You know. Besides fucking awful.

[He sits there for a minute, digesting the food and Karkat's question, and scrunches his face a little.]

Mmn. Sort of nauseous, actually... [Sticks his tongue out, but just sits back against his mound of pillows in his blanket. Nausea when sick is definitely a common thing, he's fine.]

John. You're not getting better.

It's not an instantaneous thing, Karkat. Human sicknesses last a few days, usually. [He smiles, but has broken out in a very slight sweat.]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject